Photo: Paddy Magdua
The truth isn’t always easy to admit. That’s something that I have struggled with for the months leading up to Conference. I was under an avalanche of sin, completely consumed and imprisoned by it. I started to think that since I was so deep into sin, I might as well get comfortable in it. I looked for all the reasons why it was okay to do things that I knew weren’t right instead of acknowledging the fact that a sin is a sin. I got numb to thinking and feeling like this.
As Conference approached, I was sold that it wasn’t worth it anymore. I was so close to choosing not to attend. But then I got asked to serve. With great uncertainty and for some reason I said yes. I can’t even recall my reasons for doing it; I just did it. And this would happen repeatedly: “Serve for Mass band, help with opening production, be part of the Docu Team”. “Yes, yes, and yes.” I took my services to heart, promising myself that I would do my best for God. But everything got exhausting quick. I got so used to only doing things only for myself that serving God became foreign. And the feeling of being so covered by sin made everything I did feel so much heavier. I couldn’t help but start thinking that maybe I had made a mistake. That’s the truth.
In the last few days before conference, I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew I couldn’t carry on serving with such a burdened heart. It literally ached. So I did something I hadn’t done in months. I went to confession. I told Father sin after sin after sin and after admitting each one, I felt lighter and lighter. It was as if my heart made more and more room for joy to reside. Father reminded me of how much I am loved, that no sin I commit can make Him love me any less. And His relentless, unconditional, and overwhelming love is so irresistible that I’m left with no other option other than to love Him back. When I walked out of the confessional, I truly felt as if I could do anything. Spiritual gainz.
What followed after could possibly be the realest and most genuine experience I’ve ever had in my life. Conference was such a blessing for me. It was the catalyst to striving to be holy in the same manner that Mary was the catalyst to the first miracle. Truly, I’m doing things I never thought I could ever do all because of conference. Whether that be waking up to read the morning Gospel, or RAKing the world, or even saying no to the sins that I once thought shackled me; I’m trying. I recall moments that have carved a special place in my heart. Instead of being under an avalanche of sin, I was surrounded by an avalanche of brothers and sisters who were so passionate and devoted to God. Conference was a time where only our God could be victorious and that’s the truth.
MJ Abella, CFC-Youth Mountain Region
